i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
