remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
