Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
