Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
