Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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