I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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