Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
