you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
