Plan B is the new Plan A
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
