I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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