He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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