I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i think i just lost a toe
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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