I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
FUCK WHALES
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
