Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
