um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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