I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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