I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
