Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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