that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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