thus making me awesome and them whores
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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