I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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