They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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