FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
