i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
