quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
