On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
These tits shall not be calmed
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
