hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
