He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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