My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
