I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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