I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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