Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
