do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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