you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
