Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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