so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
