my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize