Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
