So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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