Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
