he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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