dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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