remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
only if we run a train.
done.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
