your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
