I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
