she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
