I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
