I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
