How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize