i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
