ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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