i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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