WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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