She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
vagina is talking i cant
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
