You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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