Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
