is your mom at the bar?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
