Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
