I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
