I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
