I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
