When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
