Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I didn't notice because vodka
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
