She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
