Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
