Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
