Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
