STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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