just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
